Information for Parents and Families
There’s no doubt about it—the college experience changes every student, and it is likely to alter your family dynamics as well.
Whether your USF student is the first or last (or only) of your children to go to college, there are bound to be times when you feel anxious, frustrated, or challenged by a situation that is taking place in your student’s life. Sometimes these situations will involve the health or wellness of your child. We hope that you will help your student find their way to CAPS during these times and that you will come to think of us as a partner in your student’s development.
Below are a couple of short articles on issues your student (and you) may experience early in college. See other resources provided on our website around a variety of interpersonal, emotional, and mental health concerns students and families may have and ways you can help support your student.
Freshman Season
- September is often HOT... with excitement, freedom, adventures, and new friends. There are initial anxieties, homesickness and loneliness to contend along with academic concerns related to first exams and new professors. Long distance love relationships remain hot but families may be left out in the cold.
- October’s rhythm slows. Consequences of decisions made in the summer and September are evident, sometimes in feedback from the first exams and papers. Excitement is winnowing and students are wondering if they made the right choices. They are often less enthused about roommates as the rooms start to shrink. Care packages are a great boost.
- November is full tilt into midterms and the crush is on to complete papers. Relationship challenges surge as students are increasingly sleep deprived, nutritionally challenged, and worried about grades. There is both nervousness and excitement about the Thanksgiving break particularly for those with long distance romantic relationships. Physical illness peaks –flu and colds—so send the Theraflu!
- December snowballs to finals. Other activities dwindle as the focus becomes grades/papers/exams. Home is just around the corner and this can bring worries about what will happen with family (a curfew…really??) or can bring sighs of relief. There can be sadness about leaving new friends and relief to be away from others. Sleep is the most sought after commodity.
Home for the Holidays Having your student home for the holidays after they have been away for an extended period can be stressful. The gap between our expectations and the reality of this reunion is often quite jarring. Even in the best families we must adjust to a different rhythm of life and stubborn expectations may no longer fit who they are. Feelings that commonly arise during the holidays along with joy include guilt, overwhelm, boredom, and resentment. Don’t be wounded if your student tells you they miss their college life and friends.
Some ideas to ponder before your student arrive:
- Frustration is built into the system. Wherever our expectations of love and understanding are the highest so may be a sense of hurt and disappointment.
- Having few or no expectations is the best preparation for being satisfied with whatever happens. The Taoist discipline of becoming like water and “going with the flow” can keep us from getting stuck.
- Ask your student to fill you in on their plans BEFORE they return home so there are minimal surprises –“What do you mean you are going skiing for a week?!” 4. A sense of humor can be helpful. Psychologist James Hillman extols extended family gatherings as the one place where we get to meet people with whom we have so little in common!
Contact CAPS
If lines are busy, please leave a voicemail or complete this form to sign up and we will contact you as soon as possible.
If you need to speak to a mental health clinician immediately, please call the Crisis: CAPS 24/7 All Hours line at 855-531-0761 (available daily, including weekends and holidays, and accepts international calls), Public Safety (415-422-2911), 911, the Suicide Hotline (dial 988), or go to your nearest emergency room.
Location
Gillson Hall - Lower Level
2325 Golden Gate Ave.
San Francisco, CA 94118
Hours:
Monday to Friday, 8:30 a.m. to 5 p.m.
CAPS Front Desk, for scheduling and inquires (415) 422-6352
CAPS All Hours, for 24/7 crisis support or urgent mental health concerns (855) 531-0761